No, I will make myself feel.
Even if this pain in my chest never subsides; I welcome it.
I will not disgrace your beautiful lives by begging for relief or peace.
I will carry this grief proudly, as a scar on my heart, in your honor.
I will let myself scream.
I will scream out loud and deep inside.
I will scream and cry up at the sky blaming it for taking you too soon.
AND I will scream for Justice.
I will cry and I will cry often.
Time will go on and I will continue to cry for your children, your brothers and sisters, your friends and family.
But today I am being selfish, I am crying for myself.
I want you both here for my own reasons. Instead of pushing those reasons aside, today I will cry for each one of them.
I cry because I won’t be able to ever hear your voice again.
I cry because I know eventually there will come a day that I no longer even remember what it sounds like.
I cry for the time when I can no longer remember every detail about you so vividly and I need to rely on a picture to remind me.
I cry for all the times I know I will need you and you won’t be there.
Most of all I cry for all the times I took you for granted; putting off till tomorrow what I should have said today.
I never knew I wouldn’t get the chance.
I will make sure to remember.
I will remember the way your smile lit up every room.
I will remember the times we talked and our laughter spread (loudly) like wildfire, drowning out everyone else around us.
I will remember the vibrant way you lived each second to its fullest.
And I will remember you would want me to do the same.
My tribute to both of you:
As time goes on and my feeble mind fails me; I will never forget just how much I love you.
Love Always, Sara
