Regretful Thinking....

Regretful Thinking….


People drift in and out of our lives, some leaving only a vague memory of a distant time; while others leave an everlasting impression that we feel no matter how far away we are from them.

You, like me (and everyone else) have been on the losing end of friendships and even some family relationships gone awry. Sometimes by our own making or choosing and other times for reasons the other party keeps to themselves. Either way I am always left with my head hung low, feeling an inch shorter and pounds heavier over losing someone so dear to me. (Thus my excuse for being very short and fat now! Ha! )

Of course there are those who decide to leave with their last words, a sort of fair well passage for them, colorfully spoken like a sailor with sporadic name calling and their fist pumping with the middle finger waving proud. These always remind me of a saying that an old uncle I had would say at a time like that; “No love lost.”

Still, I can think of at least a handful of people whom I could have never seen my life without and yet here I sit, having not spoken with them or even seen them in months or even years. I have at one time or another, for each, sat back and wondered if there was anything I could have done differently to prevent their departure. Regretfully have always found several occasions I could have made better decisions.

I could have held my tongue when I knew that my words were most often only for me to be right. I could have stopped myself from blurting out hateful things in spite of their already wounded feelings. I could have offered more of myself when they deeply needed a friend. I should have listened to their problems for the 1,000th time instead of cutting them off short for my own selfish/or sometimes unselfish reasons. I should have offered my hand when they fell and kept it out until they reached for it. I could have answered the phone when they called instead of hitting ignore. There are many more instances of I could have, I should have, but I didn’t.

In my new (very new, less than a week old!) found internal/external journey I pondered on this for a while and realized, no amount of acknowledgement now would do any good for the relationships that have since ended. I could sit here and regret past decisions and harass myself over what I realized in hindsight, which is what I have always done. But what I should do is look at the relationships I have today and decide not to repeat my own mistakes. I will choose to look back on those times and smile at the great memories, frown at the mistakes made, and cherish the experiences.

So here I pledge from now on: No more Regretful Thinking.